Resetting our Marriage

Bob's Perspective

Lisa and I have been married 23 years. Our first few years of marriage were all about our careers, and the past 21 years we have been focused on dealing with the challenges of our two kids (if you know us and our kids you know what I’m talking about).

Like many marriages, over that time, we’ve been focused on our kids, our jobs and our home. And, like many other people, that left little time for us as a couple. Even with stopping working and starting our European trip it was rush, rush, rush – we had a mountain of tasks that needed to be accomplished.

For me, however, things finally slowed down when I went to Sorrento by myself and Lisa stayed in Naples with Lexie and her relatives. It rained most of the second day I was there and I didn’t really have much to do. I began to realize how much we had been through and how lucky I was to be with someone who shared the same excitement about the adventure on which we were about to embark. I realized how lucky I was and I committed to myself to let her know that, to let her know how much I appreciated being with her and looked forward to spending time as just a couple. (Disclaimer: We really enjoy being with Lexie for this year and our visits with Aryk, but there is just the new opportunity for so much “us” time.)

View from the top of the London Eye

When we got back together in Naples, we talked about this and she told me that she had been thinking the same thing, that we had an excellent opportunity to essentially reset our relationship. We had the opportunity to throw away some of the conflicts we’ve had over time and really just enjoy one another going forward.

We’ll never have a fully carefree life, but we’re both committed to working hard to enjoy one another and our life together going forward.

Our trip to Europe was worth it just for this!

Together in Hamburg at the top of the St. Michaelis Church Tower

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Lisa's Perspective

For me, it started long before we left Colorado, in summer 2017, when we made the decision to retire early and travel,  and started planning the next phase of our lives. We spent a lot of weekend hot tub mornings discussing what our plan would be. I think for many couples, they retire but have the same habits they had before, and that can lead to dissatisfaction or boredom. Planning a new life as sojourners opened us up to a lot of new conversations and gave our relationship a new dimension.

To prepare, we traveled to Mexico several times, enjoying each other's company as we explored different communities as potential future domiciles.

To meet in the middle of our diverse interests, Bob mentioned that he would like to try yoga, which I practice, so we would have something to do in common, and I said I would be happy to hike more with him. We also started doing more running and bike riding together, which took us full circle back to the genesis of our relationship - we met through a multisport club, the New York Flyers, in the early 90s.

Hydra Island in Greece

We have both started learning Spanish to facilitate our lives in Mexico. We are talking about taking dancing lessons, trying new foods, hiking new mountains, discovering new beaches, making new friends, tasting tequilas, learning a new language together.

It's exciting!

In the Harpa Concert Hall in Reykjavik